the girl who is getting us through

Reese left us shortly before 4pm on Thursday afternoon. She was comfortable and calm. I was with her for quite a long time before and after and I know we absolutely did the right thing. I wanted to ensure that Reese knew she had not done anything wrong, that she was a good girl. There have been only a handful of questions from caro, but we're handling them as they come, giving her only the information she asks for. At her age that is all she needs. We're trying to not speak in the abstract. It's hard to be overcome with sadness when this little girl makes us so happy, but there is a definite void in the house and in all our hearts today.

3pm, but I'm already bawling

That's when I go to the vet to visit with little Reese and say the words that no pet owner ever wants to say. I've got to call it enough and how can it possibly ever be enough? I am trying to be realistic, to listen to my gut, to imagine the week she has had and how it cannot possibly go on and on like this indefinitely. The vet seems to think that she seems to want to get better, she's got a fighting spirit, but she won't eat. The only alternative is a feeding tube and I am not willing to do that. Without the feeding tube she won't eat and since I feel so strongly, what is it all for?

Thanks for all the kind words, the emails, the @mccashew messages. It's going to be a very rough afternoon and I am so thankful that my husband will be home tonight, that I won't feel so all alone in the house. We, our family, will never be the same. Baby Mac will never get to meet her royal highness. Caroline won't mimic us yelling at the cat to stop pulling up the carpet already! Kitty won't say "rawr!" anymore, but she will live on in all our hearts, our memories and in the background of countless photos. It's appropriate that she is in so many because in her life she was always standing back from the action, taking it all in, waiting for a warm lap to open up, for me to tap my chest and tell her "it's ok, cmon up."

It's ok Reese, go on up.

Mother's Day, 2007

"I did it!"

As steve said, one bad thing happens, one good thing happens. The
world goes on, it is so wierd.

Kitty is not doing well at all and I've made the executive decision to
make a decision tomorrow late morning. I am preparing myself for the
worst case scenario. We are sad and I'm exhausted from worry and
tears. My poor kitty.

In the meantime someone pooped on the potty at school today, was quite
proud of herself and celebrated with a twizzler.

What a world.

not kitty prison

She seems happy to see me.