Unplug

From 1-4pm it is an all out race to the finish most days; Returning calls, checking messages, responding to said messages, documenting, sending emails over our ridiculously outdated system, documenting, and driving towards home in the process to avoid city rush hour traffic. I push myself to get it all done, so I can put the work away, both in my bag and emotionally/mentally out of my mind. Off my shoulders. It's hard sometimes. At any given time, one of my patients is probably in the pre active or active stage of the end of this road. I try to disconnect at night. My daytime life makes me thankful for every second of my life at home.

Tonight I was working with Caroline on her "share" for school tomorrow. She wants to tell her class that she saw the "big grey plane" that flew over the Patriots game Sunday. "it flew right over Kiki's house!" We found a picture of the C5, learned it had flown in from Westover Air Force Base back west. We printed a map of Massachusetts and traced the trip from Nana and Granda's to Gillette. While we wrote "go pats" and "87" and "12," Connor was playing hockey swinging the stick way to close to his sister's head. As our little geography lesson came to a close, I helped myself to my iPhone.

Clear as day, my little hockey player, "mommy, play with me." "put you phone down."

Yeah, that.

and the party theme was sports, of course

We celebrated Connor's birthday while the rest of Massachusetts was sledding, shoveling or spending the day in pajamas. This is the risk you take in planning a winter birthday party. We kept the driveway clear, spread salt on the walkway, and crossed our fingers that everyone would get to us safely. Even my parents were able to make the drive across the state, though it took some last minute fine tuning to do so. We appreciated EVERYONE braving the roads to make Connor feel special. I'm sure they all felt warm and gooey on the inside when the birthday boy cried during the singing of "Happy Birthday." 

and then, just like that, he turned two

It hit me hard that my baby was enjoying his last day as a baby yesterday; the last day I could realistically state his age in months. I have been answering the question, "how old is he?" with "almost two" for far too long. Why? I lament now, wishing I had done the quick math in my head, "19 months," "22 months." The year flew as years often do, churning faster and faster with two full-time working parents and weekends stuffed to the brim with family time. Sure, we often spent a good chunk of that time in pjs chasing balls together, but to the working parent every second of that pj ball chase is to be savored and swallowed, digested, and recalled on a frantic Tuesday afternoon when I seem to miss them most.

Oh, the things I have to savor. Over the course of the year our Connor has become a sweet, outspoken, sports loving, pantless wonder. He heard new sounds thanks to a (now practically useless) ear tube placement in June. We marveled as he watched before unnoticed planes fly overhead and the new words spilled out of him like beans from a torn bean bag. While he rarely sits still, he often surprises me by plopping himself into my lap, just for a moment, reminding me that while he looks like he is three, he is my baby boy. He gives amazing hugs, complete with back pats. His voice has equal parts honey dipped sweetness and deep gutteral caveman. He has established unrealistic attachments to a handful of balls from his enormous collection. Each night there is a request for "orange one" or "football" and only a very specific match will satisfy. When Steve puts on sports, Connor will race to the play area to retrieve the appropriate equipment; hockey stick, ball and goal or football to tuck securely and safely under his right arm. He can name Gronk and Tom Brady upon sight and he knows which sport they play. He can tell you that his hockey team in the "buins." He is unsure of the Celtics and looks at me wild eyed when I ask him about the Red Sox. "What is this sport you speak of?!?" I think it is because he hasn't had a true full year season as a Boston sports fan yet and oh boy, am I am in trouble when Baseball season starts. The bat and ball will be out for sure. Breakables beware.

He loves his sister fiercely. "Where Caro-ine go?" We have reached the love hate stage, but I am happy to say it is mostly love. He parrots her every utterance, annoying her to no end, but delighting me to the moon and back. The two of them run wild at night, laughing and screeching and tackling one another. The kid has a mean tackle, from the knees, and he can take someone much bigger down without much effort. It is only a matter of time before he towers over his big sister. She will not like this one bit. These nightly screaming running rituals are often done half naked. Connor will pull at his clothes to indicate he wants them off, NOW. He gets his needs met and will often stand two inches from your nose and repeat his request until you fulfill it. It looks like this - except in recent months, you can insert "prep and landing" in place of "Mommy."




Caroline could be drinking from a regular cup all the time, but we learned you need to give them the exact same thing, the same contents, and the same amount or endure the Wrath of Con.  The temper on this one, complete with full body on the ground tantrums, is like nothing we have seen before. His intense passion springs forth in this way too, and oh, two years old. It's going to be a year that tries our patience and makes us want to pull our hair out, but at least he finally reached a point where we can sit him in time out and he stays there. He's been getting more familiar with that bottom step. He will pull Caroline's curls, just to pull them. He will throw her doll house bath tub just to incite her. He will lay in her path and refuse to move, just to guage her reaction. She has gotten better at telling us and not trying to deal with it in a physical way herself. He has gotten better at flopping and forcing us to move his limp refusing to comply body from whatever "not nice" thing he is doing. In the very next moment, they will sit side by side silently coloring at their table, or relocate the entire kitchen for a picnic. They will sit in their comfy reading chairs and flip through books for entire ten minute spans! We do suspect brother and sister took perhaps their final shared tub last night. Legs and arms all twisted together, no room for both to lie flat and "swim." She prefers showers now and that feels like the end of an era. Growing, so big, so fast.

He took popsicles to school today to share with his friends and he was practically jumping out of his crib this morning to see his birthday cake, already frosted. He requested, "fuh-fetti" even though I offered him chocolate. The Mc-side of this family claims another one of the children.

And he is smart, oh so smart, but we only get brief windows into his understanding. Always curious, but not yet asking all the questions we know will come during this third trip around the sun. I can occasionally convince him to help me count while I get him zipped into his pjs and he astounds me by couting all the way to twenty, and I can't help but wonder if this is where his knowledge or interest ends. In his tub the other night he started singing lines from "Twinkle, Twinkle." I was shocked because while I sing this to him most nights in the bath and at bedtime, he has never once sung along. Now at bedtime, I pause and he fills in the blanks, no matter where I put them. Sneaky boy. Only sharing part of this little world with us. He requested ABC last night and did the same thing. Ask him to do it on command, no. Not going to happen, but in these brief interludes, I see how rich his world is, how much he truly does understand, how hungry he is to learn.

Our baby is not a baby anymore. He is bright and charming, a light in all our lives. He is so loved, by so many. Happy Second Birthday to our son, the one and only Con Con the Bon Bon, who calls himself "Connie."

our internal birthday battle

Once Halloween hits, BANG, it's a race to the New Year. I'm sure all families feel this way to some extent. Shorter days, cooler weather, the unbelievable whirl and whoosh of seasonal magic stirred with parties, family, food and festivities. It's fun and it's special and it is EXHAUSTING. The post holiday blues aren't exactly a reality here at McCasa. With two winter birthdays three weeks apart, I can hardly gasp for air between ordering Chinese food on New Year's Eve and placing candles on the kids' cakes.

We've been on the birthday party circuit for Caroline for well over a year now. We held off on a school friend birthday party last year because it still felt like we were getting our feet wet at her school. \I am ready to dive in this year to celebrate my baby girl's FIFTH birthday. Connor turns two this week and while we want to celebrate this milestone, we're more comfortable with a low key family celebration. This is where I struggle to make it special for each of them in an age appropriate way. I want to plan special things for each independent of one another, but with the events practically on top of one another, it's a challenge. I foresee this being even more challenging as time goes on, especially when it comes to budgeting for Christmas and birthdays at the same time.

This is how I came to find myself in Target about a week ago buying 30 popcorn boxes AND sports themed paper products. Last week I struggled to carry multiple sports balls cutouts AND an armload of red and white garlands. My brain in split - low key sports maniac birthday - big top benefit with amazing entertainment. Then I glance ahead and see snow forecasted for Saturday when we will celebrate Connor's birthday. Oh the joys of a winter birth.

I'll tell you what else, this isn't exacly helping us cope with Caroline's increasing birthday jealousy. This morning she announced in the car that she wasn't sure she would be attending Connor's birthday party. Really, where else do you think you would be exactly? I tried to have a discussion about it, to talk about how a birthday party is a family's way of celebrating that the birthday boy or girl is a part of our life. It's the whole family's day. "You love having Connor in your family, don't you?" I could see her in the rear view, needing more convincing and sporting a pout. In some ways the close proximity of their special days is a blessing. "Yours is just around the corner." It might help.

Someday we will throw them an amazing surprise 1/2 birthday in July, with a bounce house and water fun and  OUTSIDE and NOT SNOW and it will be amazing and I will stick my tongue out at the universe and climate change. Someday!

Until then, I'll be on Pinterest pinning circus themed items, ordering Blue Ribbon BBQ for the boy, adding an alert to my iPhone to pick up his cake on Friday, confirming a juggler who is follow up deficient, and searching for a popcorn machine rental.