+3...

Enough of the pity party already!!!

SHEESH~ wah wah - oh whoa is me - ENOUGH already =)

I did not spend 9 months loving nearly everything about my pregnancy, right down to the 30 pounds I put on, to lose that feeling now!

We are still in limbo - but I am realizing more and more that I need to just turn myself over to fate here and know that it will actually happen (it has to! Baby can't just hang out in there indefinitely), I just have no control over it and that it is OK for me to NOT have control over this. Someone very wise shared with me today that my inability to give myself over to this and just let it happen is an excellent metaphor for what is to come, because there is NOTHING about labor and delivery that I will be able to control, that's for sure. So to get to that next step I need to just relax. This is also true of labor - when the pains are coming fast and furious is when you most need to relax and let your body do its thing to move you through the process. Clearly I cannot dictate how labor will go, how long it will last, how much pain I will feel... so why not just give myself over now and make this whole process easier???

Today is my last day of work. I had discussed making Wednesday my last day, but my supervisor is not assigning me new cases at this point and she senses an overall "doneness." This is both a blessing and a curse because while I will be able to relax and put my feet up and rest, I will be bored to tears at home. I am impressed that I made it this long still working, but again this goes back to control - I want to be able to do what I want to do and that includes keep busy, keep working, and it doesn't hurt that I keep making money. =) So today will be my last day here, which feels very strange to me and anticlimactic in some ways because I had always pictured that I would not know when my last day would be and would call in to tell them that we were in labor. More evidence of not being able to perfectly plan everything out - seeing a theme here?

I also want to share that we have been so overwhelmed with the kind supportive messages and emails that people have been sending to us and it definitely helps to know that others are thinking of us.

Frustration has given way to acceptance... but we still hope to have news soon.


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