Inny or Outtie??

Early this morning at ohhhh about 3:30 when she roused the house demanding both attention and a meal, I dutifully checked Caroline's diaper and discovered it needed changing. As soon as I opened up the dirty dipe her belly buton literally fell off into my hand - thankfully not into the pile of poo - and I woke Steve to share the news. The belly button is still very much healing and there are some small remnants around the area that still need to finish healing before they too will fall off. So the jury is still out on the inny outie business, but by the initial look of it - we appear to have an inny =)

I saved the umbilcal stump - Steve wants to put it into her book, I think photos or video will suffice just fine - and I pondered the significance of this event many hours later as she lay on her changing table delighted again with the sleeves of her fuzzy sleeper. I took a short little video with the stump in my hand and I had a moment after I put the camera down. This gross icky stump is the final remains of our physical connection from her time in "belly land" (a happy warm place where kicking is apparently not only strongly encouraged, but required for residence). Don't get me wrong, I am pysched that it fell off because it was starting to look a little green and gross (all normal) and it made diaper changes a bit more challenging, not to mention that it means it has healed well etc. There is a teeny tiny little piece of my heart that is sad that it is gone though and that I can only hold it in my hand. This was afterall how I provided her with oxygen, nutrients, and everything else she needed to get here. In a sad way this is kind of like her first step away from me and my care - though she is still totally dependent on us for every little thing - it is serving as a gentle reminder that this time we have now is special and a gift and so short lived...

Caroline is sleeping beside me right now in her Moses basket, looking perfectly angelic and at peace. When she sleeps like this I like to imagine what it is she is dreaming about - I mean she can't exactly see very well to have intense dreams about the world around her can she... I wonder if she dreams of Belly Land. I wonder if she misses it.

Just yesterday as we approached feeding time Caroline was a wee bit fussy. I put her on my lap on the pillow I use for nursing and she instantly quieted, stuck her little thrush covered tongue out just a bit, and her eyes lit up like the 3rd of July. SHE KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING?! She knew that this was lunch. She has begun reaching her hands out more and initiating contact by grabbing onto anything she can get her hands on (including clothing, sensitive body parts, and Daddy's mouth). Her eyes are beginning to focus more and more and she is actually looking at faces now and not past them to the walls behind. (no direct eye contact yet!) It is just amazing to be in her presence and an absolute privledge to watch her change each day...


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