Time in a bottle

Some catch-ups...

Sunday
We drove up to the other part of the state to visit with the "social work girls," Rob, and Miss Emma who is nearly a year old!?!? It was so nice to reconnect with the ladies and to see how much Emma has grown up. Marybeth and Rob are unbelievable parents! They also expect to be moving upstairs by summer. Steve and I know that the house has been an incredible endeavor for the Kerrs and the work, time, and energy was certainly worth it - their home is wonderful, warm, and ALMOST DONE!

Monday
After trying to get out of the house for a few hours, only to be interrupted by a hungry AGAIN Caroline, Ashley called to check in. Of course I couldn't get to the phone, but her message stated that she might or might not be busy. I crossed my fingers and phoned her back and I hope my desperation did not come through too much =) Caroline and I picked her up about 10 minutes later and I left her with the baby while I ran to the grocery store. It was a high frequency day for the little miss, who wanted to eat nearly every hour. We got through it and finally got her to dreamland.

Tuesday
Caroline was having a much better day and actually slept on and off most of the morning. We met Steve at his office and went to lunch at P-A-N-E-R-A (I just want to eat at Panera, with lettuce and tomato, a pickle and some mayo- PAAAANNNEERRRRAA - yes this is a song I wrote to sing to Steve when I want to go to you guessed it P-A-N-E-R-A =) She was rough for the afternoon, but after her last meal of the day at 7:30 we put her down and after only a couple rides in the swing and some shhhing she slept ALL NIGHT until about 5:30!!!!! THANK YOU CAROLINE!!!!

Today
We have our Moms group at noon. She is back in her crib and I am dreading waking her up, but we won't be missing this group... It is the one thing each week that I refuse to miss. =) I have some questions about her eating that I want to ask the facilitator Lisa and plus we like to see all the other babies, especially Ryan and Jen...

I am attempting to figure out what my big post on the 31st of March for the Nest will be about and I am torn in about a trillion directions. I posted a couple things already just to give it some substance - the origins of McCashew if you will and some photos of her at a few days and then at one month old... I realized while I was posting those that in just a few days I will be setting up her official 2 month shot. Time is flying by, but she is getting more and more fun each day. The little babbling baby talk is great and I find myself talking right back at her. Anyone know what Agooo means? No coaxing is required anymore to get a glimpse of her gummy little grin. In fact sometimes if you aren't looking at her, but she is looking at you, when you make eye contact with her again she smiles. I love that one! Yesterday in the nice weather we spent some time on the back deck looking at the world and feeling the warm breeze (and listened to the traffic on 95). She was so interested, overwhelmed certainlu, but interested and I couldn't help noticing that I too was taking more notice of the details around our deck; the curvy branch of the tree, the uneveness of the walking path, the way the breeze blew our hair... So this is what people mean when they say that having children makes them see the whole world through their baby's eyes? If so... it is wonderful.

On a wierd and somewhat personal note I have been experiencing a little nervousness lately about life and death and all that gloom and doom. I have never been a fan of the fact that life must end - funny coming from a girl who used to work in hospice right? - in fact I think it is the thing in life - ha! - that I am most afraid of (more than snakes or heights even!). Lately though this fear is heightened and I think it is because I know that someday I will not be here and my baby Caroline will not have a mother and that her life will go on and I will miss it. Isn't that sad? So no, I haven't had an ounce of post-partum anything, but I am thinking quite a bit about life. I am pushing myself to use this new heightened awareness of my own mortality as a way to remind myself that time is precious and that given that my time here is limited that I need to find ways to make the moments count and to freeze those special memories not just in my mind, but in Caroline's as well.


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