Released from my milky chains

A pumping update, for those not interested in reading anymore about nursing or pumps please accept my apologies for writing so much about it. I write about what is happening and this is where we are at right now.

SOOOOO.... The Magical Milking Machine is the most fabulous thing ever. Yesterday I pumped nearly 4 oz mid morning and FIVE oz early afternoon. My last pump of the day was ehh, but I went home with two full bottles. WOO HOO! That combined with the nearly full bottle at home made me incredibly a bottle ahead going into Thursday. This is typically the day in the week where I am biting my nails, sweating, and hoping against all hopes that somehow I will collect enough to top off that third bottle for Caroline's last day of the week at school. I am just wishing we had this wonderful device earlier.

Now I can also begin to consider the possibility that I might someday FREEZE some of this milk again!!! Ask any nursing Mom with only 6 oz in their freezer how it would feel to know that they might possibly build upon those 6 oz again? or what it might be like to say spend some time away from their baby without immediately thinking, but the milk? how will we have enough for school next week? or the elation they might feel imagining an evening away to see a movie, go to dinner? While we are feeling crazy... what about an entire night away?????

Wooo - hold on - let's not get too excited!

Really I cannot adequately describe the RELIEF I am feeling. It has been incredibly challenging to keep up with the nursing while working. The pressure I have been feeling (which I fully admit and understand I have put upon myself!) has been so intense and no Mom wants to feel way I was.

So why did I put the pressure on myself the way I did?

I still don't completely understand my formula aversion, afterall I was a formula baby myself and I like to think that I turned out ok, no worse for the wear. I suppose that in this world we live in today, choosing something natural like this, that might provide some benefit to her (and also to me) later on in life seemed like the best choice to make. Knowing that this milk could grow with her, meeting her changing needs as time went on, and potentially protect her from illness made it a really attractive option to us.

Steve for his part has been an incredible support all along. When Caroline was Cash we agreed that we would try nursing, but I am certain that if I had said I wasn't interested he would have wholeheartedly embraced my decision. I know that if I came home today and said, you know what I think I've had enough, he would support my decision. When I explained to him how I was feeling about potentially not meeting her nutritional needs, he immediately jumped up and reserached options for us to make this work. I am so grateful to have such a supportive and hands on partner in parenthood.

Life was challenging for us as of late....

"Hey, you wanna go here? "
"Ok, but the baby will need to eat and I don't want to bring a bottle, we need it for school."

AND WE DID! I seriously would start the week with a small stash from Thursday and once a day pumpings from Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday and this would be enough for Tuesday school and part of Wednesday and from there it all went downhill and my little supply was gone and I was left staring sadly into a fridge of barely half full Medela bottles.

Trapped by milk I was
Slave to the pump, it felt
Freedom rising up

We are writing a new chapter here and it feels so wonderful!


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