limbo rock

Tuesday rolled in and with it came snow (started mid morning here) and early dismissals. No word yet from Caroline’s school, but I was warned at drop off that I might get a call later if the weather gets bad. So there’s that.

I’ve been staring at a blank cursor because it is challenging to not share the other stuff that is happening. So let’s be as vague as possible and say that I submitted an order at a local copy shop to get my resume printed on fancy paper.

I’ve been here before, considering a move, scared out of my gourd for altering the status quo that appears to be working for us, but thrilled at the prospect of something new that MIGHT include benefits along with flexibility, or at the very least not be grant-funded. Being funded by the fed has some pros, but lately mostly cons and I grow worrisome about what will be of this position in October when the funding ends on the current grant I operate under.

I was talking to a dear old friend recently about Limbo. This is where we both seem to be living. We live here, but we imagine a time that we might move “home.” I do x, but if I had my license I could be doing y. I’d like to get my license, but unless I pay for weekly supervision it ain’t gonna happen. We have our amazing Caroline, but our family doesn't yet feel complete. Limbo sucks. I never feel settled. I still drive around town wondering how long we’ll live here, reminding myself occasionally that this is home. I imagine feeling so much more fulfilled with my work life, but also feeling the weight of responsibility pull me away from even going there. I imagine Caroline’s big girl room and that little nursery having a new owner, but am crushed to think that we might have another baby so far from Steve’s family and in this sucktastic economy, with no maternity benefits, and no short-term disability and no promise of a job on the other end. I think I may have just vacated Limbo for GULP.

My biggest concern at this moment is how to appear formal enough for a lunchtime meeting tomorrow without raising eyebrows around these parts. I might need to do some fancy restyling in the car en route. Mom, I am thinking of that amazing houndstooth skirt, a plum turtle and a jacket! Other Ideas?


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