blogher: Ahh! Haa! Wah!

I sat down in my seat for my return flight to BOS with pen in hand, notebook splayed open across my lap and zealously scribbled my best attempt to capture exactly how I was feeling at that moment when all the conference highs and lows were palpable, not just memories. How did I feel? The hilarity that I was coming from a blogging conference and writing with pen and paper was not lost on me.

It felt like I had just been through an entire relationship in fast forward; the excitement of the woo, the tentative first date, the hilarious laughter as fodder for inside jokes and the creation of a shared personal history, the bone crushing defeat of having your heart ripped out of your chest, crushed into the tiniest ball and tossed nonchalantly at your feet. I was spent in every way; physically exhausted, mentally challenged, emotionally defeated.

I bet you cannot wait to sign up for BlogHer10 after reading that endorsement right? I’ll tell you this. I've already started a checklist for next summer and it includes MORE tissues.

My experience was wonderful in everyway it was supposed to be. I met amazing women (and a few men too!). I felt like a necessary cog in a well-lubricated wheel. I saw the potential of this community. At the end of my journey, I reached into my soul and asked myself to do more, to do it better, to not be afraid, and to just let go.

I cried. I cried a lot. I cried at the keynote. I cried with the girls from laughing SO HARD. I called Steve after a particular moving session and bawled telling him that I felt so inspired all while SMILING ear to ear. The weekend was an entirely bipolar experience of dramatic ups and downs.

My mind is whirring planning out how to bring my newest project forward. I never would have had the courage before this weekend. I never would have dreamt it possible, but I think this could be amazing.

None of it, not one bit of the way I feel is possible without the support of family. They read. I think they even enjoy reading? They are there to watch Caroline so we can do fun things (which takes some organization, but they are ALWAYS at the ready). They support us in so many ways. Steve. Without Steve NONE of this would be possible. He not only said "GO!" when I said I wanted to register for the conference, but he also provides me with excellent blogging material. He's a good sport, a dedicated Da-ee, a spectacular partner. I am so blessed.

Life in CT has zoomed back into focus. Driving in separate cars from MA on Sunday brought on an emotional text message frenzy about how G-D sick and tired of the Sunday traffic we are. How annoying it is to roll the dice and hope for the best when we leave at noontime that traffic at 84 won’t already be 10 miles back. We are weary from the constant back and forth. After spending what could be entire weeks of our life driving 6 hours a weekend, most weekends, of most months, we are officially spent. I wrote that if we were meant to live down here we would have adapted, but we haven’t. We don’t want to. We love our house down here, our little community, the life we have created, but the hole in our life that Boston represents is large and deep.

Speaking of the house because this post has been entirely too serious – I spent yesterday afternoon with Caroline in her pool from Nana and Granda. She had a blast, but even she noticed me staring up towards the patio at the lone wasp sentry flying back and forth along the perimeter. I have gotten quite good at lying to her; “he won’t bother us if we don’t bother him” while inside I am screaming "WHY, WASP, WHY?!?!!?" Last summer they were so bad that I didn’t even want to take her outside for part of the summer. We thought we had taken care of them, but this morning I peeked out of the curtains and saw that our lone sentry had become four. I hate wasps. H-A-T-E. Finding and destroying their nest should keep me busy this week as I sit in wait at the window watching their every dusk move to giveaway their secret nest location.


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