lucky

I mentioned here yesterday that Caroline is all “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy” lately. It is both endearing and exhausting to be Mommy. I sigh deeply when I need to once again stoop down to pick her up into my arms. Moments later my heart swoons as she takes me by the hand and leads to whatever imaginary situation she has concocted. It is harder being Mommy now that I have a baby brother in my belly, busy making his presence known with kicks and growing at an alarming rate (nearly a pound and the size of a spaghetti squash this week). Still, most of the time it is amazing being Mommy and my heart aches a bit when I see Caroline push away from Steve or tell him that she wants me instead. She doesn’t realize how lucky she is… or does she?

Steve had a work dinner last night that kept him away until long after Caroline had fallen asleep. He was waiting for us when we arrived home from daycare, but had to leave again before the girls even sat down to our reheated lasagna dinner. No sooner than he left, “where daddy go?” “Daddy had to go to work, but he’ll be home later.” A few bites of lasagna and a car door closing outside. “Daddy?!?!” “No munchkin, not yet.”

After dinner she retired to Max and Ruby, her new evening ritual, while I took care of the dishes and made her lunch. The house was a bit darkened from non-essential lights being turned off and she had difficulty leaving my side, something that never happens when Steve is home. It’s funny because as safe as our house feels, it always feels a bit less safe without him in it. Clearly she felt the same way because every time she went to skip off to somewhere else she came tumbling back into my arms proclaiming, “Scawwy!”

Caroline truly missed Steve last night, asking about him often, calling for him post bath as I helped get her pajamas on. She wondered aloud where he was during tooth brushing and book selection. When she finally realized he wasn’t making it home before she went to bed, she slid into the crook my arm on my lap and told me “want to go night night.” We were only one book in and she was toast. A gentle lullabye, one more question about when Daddy would be home, and a reassurance from Mommy that when he came home he would come and say goodnight to her - even if she was asleep.

And he did, without Mommy asking.


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