my best girl

I have been covering the drop off and pick up duties all week, mainly due to unavoidable work commitments for Steve involving the next two levels of management. Picture Michael Scott when the uppity ups from Corporate besiege his regional office, except Steve is a lot less socially awkward than his fictional counterpart and knows where to score an amazing impress your boss sandwich.

I am happy to do whatever needs to be done to keep things moving, but this week has really worn on me. I woke up this morning from an unrestful sleep, still exhausted. I realize that I am quite the lady of leisure. Caroline gets her slow to wake up mornings from me. I just require time to be awake enough to face the day and once I am up, even if the sun isn’t shining, my attitude is. I usually get the bubba dressed, climb back under the covers with her for 20 minutes of snuggle time while Steve showers, and complete the breakfast, pigtails, out the door routine all while wearing my glasses and pjs. I wave from the door with uncombed wild hair and watch my daughter clutch onto her daddy before blowing me a kiss goodbye. The time left before I leave for work is quiet, uninterrupted, and relaxed. I do all the work to get her out in the morning, but I do it on my own terms and this week I have not been able to do that. SPOILED. ROTTEN.

I am aware that Steve really pushes it to take her to school in the mornings, since a new policy dictates he be in the office by 8AM, which is completely impossible if he takes her in. He handles all his emails from the overnight and early morning before they leave the house, often joining a conference call from the car if need be just to help me, to make things easier for me. I appreciate all of this, but perhaps I need to be taking some more responsibility for the mornings. Perhaps on the day between hair washings when I am able to take a quick shower I should be handling the morning routine and drop off? I am completely capable, just spoiled.

Sometimes I need a week like this to remind me how wonderful my partner is, even if the last thing I said to him last night before I crashed HARD at 10pm was “you so owe me.”

Caroline has been a bit better each day this week; less weepy, teary for a shorter period of time at drop off. This morning there were no tears until we walked into her classroom and she refused to let me unzip her coat. Another little girl came over and touched her foot and she pulled it back breaking into sobs. Perhaps Steve’s suspicion of this particular little one’s lack of physical boundaries is on target? I questioned whether there seemed to be an issue between them, finally seizing the first opportunity to ask about her without it seemingly coming from nowhere. He said that at times she does have trouble leaving the other kids alone. No sooner than he said this little girl’s name did she back off, so I think he is aware of the space issue and is working to correct it.

One of the directors stopped me at the door to tell me how much better things have been over the course of the week and I relayed my gratitude to them for being so involved and so responsive to our concerns. The entire center seems to be in on “Operation Cheer Up Caroline.” Teachers I only recognize from other rooms called out to me as I walked up the hall yesterday, “she had a really good day today!” I was feeling great! She is pulling out of this, turning the corner! Until the director said she did want to share one concerning thing. She shared that Caroline’s little friend Sean is also going to be a big brother. He makes frequent excited announcements to the class that “there’s a baby in my Mommy’s tummy!” Caroline’s caregivers and the directors have all noticed that when Sean says this, Caroline cries. I made a stabbing motion with my keys right into my heart and my eyes welled over. Doesn’t she know she will always be my best girl?


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