standing firm

It’s hard to believe that we are already at this point, but this morning I enjoyed a fun filled hour for the one-hour glucose tolerance test. I still don’t feel right many glasses of water and an entire meal later, but that drink is not nearly as bad as people make it out to be. Drinking it in the allotted time, well, that still sucked. It’s a crazy medical week for us; the glucose test this morning and monthly OB appointment for me today, flu vaccines for the ladies later this week. Steve's got a bunch of work committments this week that will add to the complexity of the week, but we've got it covered.

The doctor had a little bit of trouble finding Macadamia this morning and I shocked myself with the confidence I had in telling him he must be looking too high. Trust me Doc, this kid is LOW. The whooshing heartbeat had to be chased around my belly once he found it with the Doppler. I wasn’t kidding when I said he was a busy boy, he is NON-stop. I actually worry about him on quieter days, which aren’t all that quiet just uncharacteristic of him.

I talked with this physician about the H1N1 vaccine I am scheduled to get tomorrow evening and though he did tell me that the likelihood of me contracting the illness is far less than being hit by lightning, he said he supported my decision and that he thought I was doing the right thing. Up until now, no health care provider within his practice has been able to say more than "unless you have extreme objections, you should probably maybe consider getting it." I get it. I do. It's my decision, but he also shared that he himself has seen a small handful of pregnant woman through my practice on respirators from the pig flu. My one remaining concern about this vaccine was that it will likely contain thimeresol, a mercury containing preservative. I heard that when I booked the appointment and they suggested I speak to my OB. As the words tumbled out of my mouth it felt like I was already pushing them aside, raising the issue more out of obligation than true concern. I would much rather have this vaccine, thimeresol or not, than wait for an unknown number of weeks for a mercury free dose to arrive. I just want the panic level to go down a couple notches, to be able to relax a bit, though I know that will be impossible. A tiny bit of me will obviously be concerned about any effects this vaccine might have on Macadamia or Caroline, but I’d rather have my children (and be around myself) and worry about it later. Cost/benefit for the present. I have no crystal ball. I only know what I know, which isn’t much, but enough for me to stand firm on my decision.

My next appointment is my last monthly visit. How is that even possible?


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