you will not beat me

We’re on the upswing here. That nap yesterday lasted for nearly two and half-hours. I had to wake her gently and even in my arms, her head flopped onto my shoulder in half slumber. It was like old times. We spent the rest of the afternoon snuggling, reading books, drinking lukewarm tea, and watching Olivia. She thankfully woke up cool, which was such a relief. A long nap typically signals the mayday call for more Motrin.

I was quite productive myself yesterday. I reached all my clients to cancel our meetings. I provided some much needed grief counseling over the phone to a very needy daughter. I waited on the pediatrician’s hold line for nearly 35 minutes to finagle my way into a H1N1 shot for Caroline. At the pediatrician the night before I had asked the nurse, “so I heard a rumor you have the shot for H1N1?” Her reply was that they did in fact have it, but had not made a decision about distribution yet. I could get my email address on the notification list. I knew that my neighbor already had an appointment for her baby later this week. Knowing that I added my name to the list, but planned to call and get it somehow - anyway I could - for my daughter. (Ann, cannot thank you enough for the amazing heads up, I would still be waiting for the mythical email!) Once I finally did reach a nurse, Caroline needed only to meet an age requirement and we had an appointment scheduled for next Tuesday evening. I could have had it last night at 8:45 if I was in full on panic mode, but that seemed a bit extreme. It still does.

I twittered last night that even sharing I have this appointment makes me feel a bit conflicted. This is clearly a hot button topic. “Will you vaccinate your child?” I have my own reasons for choosing to vaccinate and I don’t feel that I need to share them, nor justify them. It is a personal decision, but just another thing we moms can be judgy about. Even with the vaccine, I am not naive enough to believe we will be protected behind some H1N1 shield. What really completely irritates me about this whole swine flu thing is the panic that seems to be taking over. While I am all for the media to provide education about this vaccination, sharing the stories they are sharing, airing pieces on 60 Minutes that make us all want to shut ourselves into our homes for the next six months doesn’t seem to be helping. If you are going to vaccinate – you know you are going to vaccinate. If you aren’t – you know that too. STOP SCARING EVERYONE, particularly when the shot form that I need as a pregnant woman (and would prefer to give my daughter) is not even available here yet. Stop. Thanks for the heads up to take flu prevention precautions, but please stop the hysteria inducing human-interest pieces that make me want to gather canned goods, bottled water, and hide my family away.

That being said, thanks to all those special news reports, I could barely keep a calm face as I watched my daughter vomit all over herself in the car. The first thought to run through my head was not “oh, my poor baby” but instead, “it’s happening!” I refuse to live like that. I refuse to live in fear. I refuse to wish away the most magical time of year for my child. I refuse to let this panic beat me down. I refuse.


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