his tiny grasp

Connor had his 4 month visit today, 15lbs 4 oz (you were right Erin, he wasn't even close to 17, but he sure feels and looks like it doesn't he???) and 25 inches, just over 50% in each category. His head shape is "beautiful," which was a concern given that he spent many a night in his infant seat. We upped his Zantac dose to represent his new weight, which will hopefully keep Ricky out of the picture for awhile.  She advised us to break him of his swaddle habit because though he isn't moving now, he will be soon. I've been torn with this because while I know we can't swaddle him forever, he seems to sleep so much better with it because he moves his arms an awful lot while he is sleeping and he wakes himself up. So tonight as I lingered in his room when he fell asleep and he wiggled himself awake trying to get his hands free. I'm crossing my fingers that tonight was in actuality the best night to actually attempt the deswaddling. The Dr. gave us the go ahead to start trying cereal with him as tolerated, which is exciting and oh my  GOD how exactly have we arrived at this insane big boy milestone???

Four month visits mean vaccines and though he only got one shot this time, he was more tired than usual and likewise more fussy. It took him some time to settle down for the night and while I stood with him on my shoulder feeling the weight of him sink into my chest, I tried to just be in the moment with this tiny human who is changing before my very eyes. This week he has woken up tenfold. He watches me move through my day - applying moisturizer; his eyes move from my hand to the bottle, to my hand, to my face, to the bottle again. His new placement on my hip gives him a new view and he's using it to his full advantage observing the world around him in a brand new way. I suspect he's been starting to observe things in this way for a few days now, but I became very aware of it today. Preparing Caroline's lunch - he peered into the fridge with wonderment in his eyes, he blinked as I pressed the microwave buttons, he looked down as the fork scraped along her plate. Isn't it amazing to watch them wake up? One day he is blissfully unaware and the next he is zoned in on every little detail.

Connor typically falls asleep on my shoulder, his eyes getting heavier and heavier. With his new found delight in the world around him, I've noticed it has been taking more and more time on my shoulder for him to drift off and I have started moving him into more of a cradle position when I feel that weight change. That might sound simple, but this baby's reflux has made it completely impossible for me to cradle hold him. When I turn the world around him off his eyes get heavy, but the move that seals the deal is an awkward hand hold I pull off. His tiny hand grasps my pointer with its titan grip. Each time I try to remove my finger he pulls back, as if to say, "No Mommy, not yet, I'm not ready." Tonight I sat for a bit longer in that tiny grasp, unaware of the time save for a chiming clock, knowing all too well that before long he won't need that finger. He won't grasp onto me with that needy grip.


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