view from the backseat

In the middle of all the gloom a small miracle has been happening. Connor is hating the car a teeny tiny bit less. I can actually put him into the car for 10 or 20 minutes at a time when he is wide awake, right after a meal even, and he can C.O.P.E. period. He isn't great, he's far from a car lover, but the wild, frantic, car hate is subsiding...a teeny tiny bit.

On our way back from the library this afternoon I witnessed an amazing thing. Connor looked over at Caroline in the backseat and laughed. He laughed the heartiest most genuine baby laugh I have ever heard. It felt so wonderful to see him happy in the car and not only that, but to see them happy together. They stared at each other the whole ride home - the whole 7 minutes. It was the first time in the car that I was able to imagine how rides will be in the future - the two of them gabbing about this or that, laughing about something silly that happened, or windblown, exhausted, smelling like the sea from a perfect beach day, smiling in their happy sleep.

We have a ride to the beach today and I may regret ever saying he is getting better, but today I had a glimpse and the future feels sweet.


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