nail biting

The heat has kept us indoors this week.

Earlier this week I declared “Movie Afternoon” and Caroline settled in during her regular rest time to enjoy some “Buzz, Buzz Lightyear… to the rescue.” I had just gotten the movie going and the demands for “POPCORN!!!” began.

Yesterday I had a job interview on the South Shore so the kids spent the greater part of the afternoon totally bogarting Kiki and Papa’s vacation at the beach. I returned to find my daughter jumping waves with Papa in the ocean, her wet hair curling up into tight ringlets, and my son happily ensconced in Kiki’s arms downing a bottle without complaint. You know I had to join in the fun and I may have dove through a few waves myself before we headed home to test the return ride in full on rush hour traffic. You know what? It wasn’t bad, in fact both the ride and the interview went well. Really well.

I’m anticipating an offer after a bonus session with the HR recruiter about benefits and circling dates on a calendar of organization wide “general orientation” dates. I’m just not sure that the salary is going to be enough and when I say that I mean I am not sure that the salary is going to exceed the cost of full time daycare for two by enough for me to justify the hours spent in the car and time away from my babies. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I wonder to myself and out loud if there is a price that would be enough. I wonder if we might be better off with me staying home until we get one of these adorable creatures into kindergarten. I wonder what message I am sending to Caroline if I throw in the towel and say UNCLE because it feels an awful lot like that. I apply to jobs daily, so many that I have lost track of which ones I have applied to already. It's hard not hearing anything back, wondering if my resume or my cover letter is holding me back. While I know that eventually that entire salary wouldn’t be handed over via “tuition check” to whatever daycare arrangement we pull out of our sleeve, I am still completely confused about what to do. We crunched numbers last night and I have a rock bottom number I need to reach before I can even give this opportunity any real consideration. It seems reasonable given the helpful advice a fellow social worker gave about salaries in the area for my field. So yeah. We’ll see. Insert nail biting and fretting. At this point I am a champ at both these tasks. 

Then my mind starts racing and thinking about all the novenas I need to say in the next few days to get us a positive inspection and keep these buyers on track to sign the P+S next week. When my mind goes there I start envisioning HOW I could even move out of the house in CT after JUST starting a new job and ahhh! I can’t let myself imagine moving out of this current situation without any accrued vacation time and all the CHANGE. CHANGE. CHANGE.

It’s all good stuff. It will all reveal itself to me in time. It will all be ok.

In the meantime, there is a sweet six-month old that seems to FINALLY be tolerating his solids appropriately. I nixed cereal completely (screw you cereal!) and watered his pears down to practically pear flavored water. I followed his meal with a shot of liquid antacid and he seems to be no worse for the wear. In fact, he’s sleeping moses basket free wrapped tightly in his blue star blanket upstairs. One step at a time and time just keeps flying by…

1 comment:

  1. What I have learned is that it's going to actually be tougher when they are in school because that is when you need to start doing AFTER school activities...and THEN what happens when the summer comes when they are in school? Camps that probably cost as much for the 6 weeks of summer as daycare does for the rest of the year. Can you feel me sweating over September.

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