the rest of the story... and it's a long one

It's been house, job, house here lately. Caroline is somewhat hesitant when the move is brought up, voicing her concerns via cherished object. "and my big puppy will come to the new house, and my Katie, and my kitchen, and my stool will come to the new house, Mommy?" The list goes on and on and at some point in our discussion I either think to myself, "this kid has way too much stuff" or I change the subject because I can sense her growing anxiety. She has been quite happy with our current living arrangement and I've had to carefully explain to her that in time our belongings will get loaded into a big truck and drive down the street a few minutes to her new house. She has said she does not want to leave. My girl, she hates change.

To combat this a bit we are planning our move carefully, to provide her with a nice smooth transition, one that is more celebration and fanfare than exploding carefully labeled UHaul boxes stacked in her room. Clearly priority number one is getting the kids rooms and the lower level play area together. I think once she sees it she'll be fine, thrilled even, but until she lays eyes herself on the finished product she's allowed to be cautious about her enthusiasm. Lucky for her, Kiki and Papa still want to keep her for occasional overnights. I know it will help ease her into our new life.

I say all this without having even completed the inspection on the house, but I am feeling so positive about the whole thing that I won't let me mind go to the terrible things that inspectors can uncover. So we'll see. While we wait for that (scheduled for next Saturday) I'll keep gently bringing it up in conversation.

As for the boy. Oh Connor. He is going down that same old familiar terrible path again. His reflux is coming back and ringing loud warning bells along the way. We've been here before, we recognize the signs now. At his six month appointment on Thursday he weighed 17 lbs 10 oz and 27 inches long, "a great weight for a reflux baby!" He was declared "strong." I worry that his reflux is putting him behind because he still isn't rolling over regularly, but he is sitting up on the early side of the milestone. She feels that in time he will catch right up because of his amazing strength. I had a list of complaints regarding his reflux returning to emphasize the low notes and get some new medication going. Instead I reluctantly agreed to give him cereal again first because she felt that fruits alone, full of acid fruits, might be making his reflux worse. I deferred to her judgment and agreed to revisit the cereals that had pained him so just a few weeks prior and low and behold he is tolerating them much better now. He is still however showing signs of reflux and we have returned to the ol' car seat for bed ritual which really, I don't personally care if he sleeps 4 hours at a pop in it, but he NEEDS to be better managed because in just  three short weeks he will be at daycare and I am pretty sure they aren't onboard with sleeping him that way. We've stopped swaddling him at night with varied success at the cost of his beautiful face which he now rips up nightly with his nails no matter how often I file the pointy corners. He occasionally requires Maalox in the middle of the night and I am just so done with this getting up multiple times a night gig that I am willing to do anything to get my hands on some baby Prilosec. I am no longer feeding him each time he wakes up and we've been able to push his middle of the night meals back to the 4 hour mark or more, which is a miracle. What is not a miracle is him going back to sleep for 30 minutes or not at all after a feeding. It requires more intervention on my part than I am physically capable of at 2 or 3 in the morning. My mind quickly fast forwards to the end of August and I wonder how I will balance my night job with my day job.

Speaking of my day job. I've done a lot of soul searching. I've done a lot of thinking in the shower about returning to work. I've thought about the pump and how it might or might not be entirely possible to pump enough milk for him due to the nature of my position. I bit the bullet and decided to partially wean Connor in order to make the whole transition easier for us both. Not being able to pump on a regular schedule would create a milk shortage, which would stress me out, which would lead to an even larger milk shortage, which might lead me to ultimately wean him a bit anyway and so if that is the outcome we are looking at the alternative of preparing him and myself ahead of time is the best method of attack. We'll have our routines set before I get back and the stress I have been feeling, at least related to this, will be managed. That doesn't mean that Connor and I did not cry a little bit together during that first dropped feeding of Similac. Not giving it up entirely lets me feel more in control and ultimately, if it makes his transition to school a tiny bit easier than it is worth all the liquid gold I could ever produce for him.

There's more to come, but right now, I've got a baby to prepare a bottle for.

3 comments:

  1. Good for you, Kerri. I know how hard it was for me to give in to the early partial weaning especially because I didn't want work to be the reason. I did it the hard way with the stress and not having enough supply or time at work to pump and oh yea...THE STRESS. And it turned out just like you predicted for yourself- I ultimately did not have enough and had to supplement and all of the stress and extra pumping sessions I tried to fit in didn't make a difference anyway. Once I made the decision we still got to 13 months- just with a little help from the Similac :)

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  2. I was reading your post and It's very interesting to topic, I don't have much time to talk cos I'm on rush well, I'm looking forward to read more about your post.Thank you

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  3. What a very long story, well at least I enjoyed reading it. And I understand how you feel, I am a busy mom too. Sometimes I don't have time to fix myself.

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