the fun money

The boy, he sleeps. During the day. We're still sleepless over here, but managing to stay on our feet somehow.

This afternoon when both kids wake up we are making a trip over to their new daycare/preschool. A couple weeks ago I ordered some Mabel's Labels and I spent a great deal of time earlier this week attaching cute fishy labels with our last name onto their extra clothes, training cups, bottles, pacifiers, blankets, sheets. It's been overwhelming, but it has helped me cope with the fact that in just a few days I will be back at work full-time for the first time since I became a mother. Everyday this week has been our last something, if even just our last (insert day of the week here.) The kids have been challenging; Connor with his non-sleepdom and Caroline with her palpable anxiety around going to school on Monday. I'm not sure what to expect. I know I will be sad, I know there will be tears all around, I know that I will worry unnecessarily the entire day until I can wrap them up in my arms again. 

I feel confident in the choice we made for their care. I know they will both thrive there, but it is still difficult to list all their many quirks in the space provided in the developmental history form. How can I explain that Connor will go down easier if you put a soft blanket up by his face without it sounding like I cover him up "michael jackson blanket" style? How does it read when I tell them Caroline is a very sensory kid who likes to touch her own stomach for comfort or when she gets tired? I know that in time their caregivers will figure out these quirks for themselves, heck they might even tire the wee one out enough to get him to sleep better overnight. It won't be me, it won't be the same, but this time around I know enough to feel better about the whole thing, despite the fact that I won't have the pleasure of seeing their faces two extra days a week. The full time thing is still bothering me. In time we will adjust, we always do. I am keeping my chin up, aware that my salary will provide my oldest with an academically challenging program and keep my little one safe and engaged. The cash I stow away each month will pay for Disney next fall, ballet lessons, hockey equipment, the extras that every parent wants to provide for their kids. It might help us redo a kitchen in the new house (wherever it is) or start an amazing vegetable garden next spring. I have to keep my thoughts on those things and away from the gnawing mommy guilt. I have to, but it's hard. 


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