hasta medela

Apparently there are more than a few things different this time around. Connor stopped accepting breastmilk via Dr. Brown a couple weeks ago. Each day he was coming home with one extra bottle and it was always a big 6 oz bottle of breastmilk. Miss Jen reported to Steve that they were having trouble getting him to drink it and I realized one day I had been sending the same 6 oz to school for 3 days.

When I started work I carried my telltale "nursing mom" pump bag back and forth on the shuttle each day. I located the Lactation Clinic at the Hospital, made nice with the lactation consultants, the nurses at the desk where they kept the extra key, the reception area ladies who manned the all important door to Labor and Delivery.

I had wanted to pump twice a day, at 10 and 2. In the insanity of my training it twice became once at 2pm. I was coming home to pump at 6 or to hope he was hungry enough for me feed. Most days things were too frantic and I was too exhausted to pump when I came home.

In light of his sudden refusal at school I quit the once a day pump at work. I was struggling to get to the clinic during the day frantically fitting it in between lunch and a stressful afternoon of more paper pushing and medical documentation. My sessions were great at the clinic, often yielding close to 7 oz, but awful when I couldn't make use of their space due to my schedule. I asked myself what I was doing this for all to have him refuse it at school and send it back and forth for days on end. In the back of my mind I wondered if it was not warmed enough for him or if it was because he missed me and ultimately instead of stressing over all this and more, I happily left it at "he eats with me, we'll just keep that."

So my pump is sitting alone up in our bedroom waiting for me to clean and sanitize and put away, likely forever or until it is gifted down to some lucky mom - to - be. Connor and I still have our time together overnight, and trust me there is still plenty of that, but during the day - he's Mr. Similac and doing splendid.I'm feeling a bit conflicted over the whole thing, but ultimately what's it all for if he can't/won't even use it? I'd rather travel light than stress over that session. I can't believe I am the same person who at this age with Caroline petitioned my insurance company with an RX for the Medela. Different baby, different time, different all around. 

1 comment:

  1. good for you. i think noah will be off the boob long before ethan was. he's much less of a drinker overall...bottle, boob, whatever. when the stress becomes more than the benefit, it's time to stop. i think you made the right decision!

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