When you have more than one baby finding the all important one on one time is challenging if not impossible. I try very hard to find little things Caroline and I can do "just the girls." Last weekend we planted some seeds into tiny planters; basil, sunflowers, parsley, tomatoes. Connor "helped" us pack the dirt on top of the little seeds, but ever since the great planting the tasks of watering, remembering to put them in the sun, and not forgetting them outside at night have fallen squarely on the ladies' shoulders. Let's face it MINE, but she helps. I try to find some special time each day to read with her. Sometimes she is into it and other times she wants less than nothing to do with it. We started reading Stuart Little when I put her to bed and she really seems to like that.

With Connor I find it more difficult to come up with this one on one time. That's mainly because he literally does not slow down. The kid has more energy than I could ever hope to have. He will occasionlly land in my lap to "read" a book, but mostly he wants a short check in for reassurance that mama is still there and he is off to clock his head into the media cabinet or bounce off a kitchen cabinet while not looking where he is going. Both of those things happen on a pretty regular basis and he constantly has a bruise somewhere on his head, usually with a torn up face from his sharp never smooth nails. He has a deathwish and I am preparing for an endless number of copays for his many MANY emergency room visits.

On Friday we fed the kids early and planned to order in for ourselves after things calmed down considerably in the house. Caroline settled in to watch a video and Connor was running around like a maniac. Steve was watching the Sox seal the win against the Yankees. We put on coats and I took Connor solo for a little walk. We saw a dog and he freaked; waving, cooing, straining in the stroller restraints to watch him after he was long behind us. Everyone here seems to have that invisible fence so we see a lot of dogs outside which is great when you have a Connor. I chatted with him, we waved at cars, other walkers, more dogs... until we came upon the first of two bunnies. Bunny was just hanging out in someone's yard, chewing on some grass, giving us the "oh crap they see" me stare. His eyes widened, he pointed and waved. I looked at him and said, "is this how bunnies eat?" and moved my nose like the bunny and he laughed. He laughed and I looked at him aware that these solo moments with Connor are so slim and that I have missed so much.

Could I ever really give him the attention and time I gave Caroline? Even with the best of intentions, I have not been able to. Connor would stroll from here to Mexico with me so long as we brought along his silky edged blanket, a binky, and take and toss Disney Princess cup. (He prefers them, so what?) We'll need to make plans to do this more often; one on one with the kids. Walks like this present an opportunity for one on one time for Steve and Caroline at home or if I take her, time for the boys to play together at home.

I try to be as present as I can, but with the two of them vying for my limited attention, it just isn't possible. It's hard not to feel like Connor has been short changed in some way, to not feel that pang of guilt. It hits deep and I worry that in my efforts to ensure that Caroline adjusts well to having a brother I may have somehow neglected to consider Connor as needing a bit more from me than she does in that regard. She's older, she's more acclimated to our family life, while he is still trying to figure out where he fits in and he needs me to show him.

He's been hitting, acting out. I think this would go a long way in working on some of that. A little more attention from mom, a little more time just us, some chances to hang alone with Dad, just them. It's important. It's worth doing. We need to do it more often.

1 comment:

  1. I SO get this. I just don't know what else to say other than you are not alone.