limit setting

I have difficult conversations with caregivers in my professional life about increasing responsibilities and roles. I always tell them, "knowing what you are not capable of doing, is just as important as knowing what you can do." I never seem to be able to take my own advice.

Last time I wrote here, I detailed how we need to get out, out, out or we risk insanity. We got out, out, out on Saturday at the second BC football game, but today, not so much. The biggest item on our agenda was grocery shopping and prepping for the Pats game. Ah yes, football season. Love the game, hate the time committment. I absolutely could not fathom managing these two on my own outside the house after yesterday, so we made nachos, we did watercolors, sorted buttons, strung beads. I use we liberally. I had hoped to deter them from further endangering their beautiful faces with all the physical playtime and get dinner prepped. Each time my hand touched a knife, someone needed more water, or a different paint brush, or more buttons. When I did finally start chopping peppers, the kids flew from their seats to get their plasticware knives out because they were apparently going to "cut peppers." Um, NO!

It was the kind of afternoon that makes you question how you got here; breaking up wrestling matches, constant requests to "stop," temper tantrums, wild screaming children racing about telling you when you ask them "who is in charge?" "me" and realizing they are sort of right.

We pushed through dinner and I took the kids on a walk around the neighborhood. The volume did not go down and I am sure the neighbors appreciated the camp song serenade loudly delivered by both kids. I ended up scooping the slower of the two onto my back and together we discovered that chestnut trees have very ouchy blooms. Eruptions of giggles during a simulatenous finger prick and a serious hunt for acorns replaced exasperation.

I love to be home. I love to stand against my kitchen counter. I love to fluff the sheets in the air and leisurely take care of those hospital corners I love to be home with my family, but my family right now just cannot be at home for long periods of time without it all falling apart. During those falling apart moments I worry, because things professionally have been questionable at best and I've been worried that I might need to be at home like that more and I fret about what I would do. I knew tonight during that walk that I would just be the busy mom, never home, always on the move. Home is my limit, it's what I cannot do. Walks, trampoline parks, dollar night at the Children's Museum, football games that last all day, things that make most moms shiver in fear, yeah, they are my shining moment. We do out so well, most of the time, it's home that is my limit. It won't always be that way. I have a short video today of the kids doing watercolors at the kitchen table and there is silence, until Connor spills his entire cup of paint water on the floor. It's chaos. Out it where it is at, just not the supermarket because oh my god, it should be parental punishment to take a kid to the market hours before the first NFL game of the year.


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