a race to the finish

I decided. I trained. I ran not nearly often or long enough at the end thanks to that great New England weather a few weeks back that was replete with rain and thunder. I made and rearranged running playlists. I beat my best mile again and again & gained distance with each long run. I never did the seven mile run my training information recommended, but I ran six and that was enough, it had to be enough because I ran out of time. This past Sunday I ran in the B.A.A. 10K. The most important part of this story is that it was HOT. The race was at 8AM and it was already the heat of the sun when we started running. I stopped at every water station, I urged Amy to run ahead after the 5K turnaround, and then I walked for a bit because the race I had in mind and body prepared to RUN for eight weeks suddenly felt out of reach and HOW COULD THAT BE??? I am not saying I had been overly cocky going in, but not finishing was not an option. I had imagined racing down to the finish with all the sprint I had left and by mile five, I had no jog left, forget sprint. Not even my carefully tailored playlist could motivate me and at one point I ripped the ear buds out in frustration and looked to the sky for a reason for WHY I was feeling this way at mile five??? It was brutal, but I texted Steve who had the kids at the finish to update them and let them know I was close to the home stretch and then I refocused my energy on my family's faces, knowing full well that every three seconds Steve was needing to answer "where is Mommy?" That crosswalk between the park and the common never seemed so far from that corner, but I got there, found them, high fived the kids and looked towards the finish. I will admit that following the race, I stopped briefly beside the medical personnel just to be sure I was really ok. I was. Two bananas, a Gatorade, water, and finisher medal later, I was better. I didn't have the energy to face a downtown brunch/lunch with the kids and after an ice cold shower I slid into bed beside the kids and Steve and slept for two amazing hours. I DO NOT NAP. EVER. I beat myself up about my sluggishness, thought about what I could have done differently, wondered this aloud and to myself and it all comes down to the heat. TOO HOT. I want a rematch 10K. I haven't run yet this week, I just started feeling normal again today, but I have my eye on something for fall to redeem myself.

While I finished my race this weekend, Caroline finishes her race to the finish tomorrow. Our kindergartener is a mess. She is full of happiness that school is done, despair that school is done, excitement about summer and camp, and anxiety about a new school year with a new teacher and class full of mostly new friends. I have held her on my lap sobbing into my shoulder and then moments later watched her color a picture of the beach that she cannot wait to see again. With the addition of four extra special school days thanks to snow days, she is missing her first week at camp. Some from her school that will be Chipmunks with her this summer at camp are starting on Friday and it just didn't seem like a good transition, so she won't start until Monday and there have been tears over that too. Add to all of that the obscene HEAT out there in an unairconditioned school and you have a recipe for absolute disaster. I am so proud of my kindergartner Caroline's accomplishments this year, both in and outside of the classroom. She tried new sports, wore a tutu and tap shoes, learned to read for pleasure, developed an affinity for cannonballs, and has a spirit that you cannot help but be drawn to. She has grown in height and strength, in knowledge and confidence. We are incredibly proud to have a girl starting first grade in the fall. First grade.

It isn't the finish, it's the race and the two girls in McCasa finished some pretty good races this week.


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