pretty sure

When Connor was born, I was so full of adrenaline and happiness that I immediately told Steve, "we could totally do this again." His birth was certainly SPEEDY and I felt great. Plus, look at him!


Let's just forget about the weeks of modified bed rest we had just been through, the anxiety about him being born too early and needing a NICU, the sadness we felt that we almost had to miss Colleen and Greg's wedding. Let's push all that silliness aside and remember the way it felt to meet him.  I was on cloud ELEVENa, which is just next door to cloud ELEVEN, the one I was on after meeting his sister 3 years before.

Once we settled into our routine a bit more (and perhaps directly correlated to the number of hours I was not sleeping), it seemed more like Connor was going to be the last baby in our family. I had my hopes set on being a family of five, but we felt complete with us four. As time has gone on, I am rarely struck by that feeling you get when you just yearn for another baby. It was undeniable when we wanted a second. I felt it ALL the time, in the grocery store with strangers' babies even.  Sure, I love all YOUR babies! I love to hold them in my arms, feel their weight, make them smile, smell that baby smell. I genuinely think they are all amazing. They are. I just haven't felt the need to go for another one. I thought we were on the same page until recently when Steve looked at me in the car on the way to hockey and asked me why we weren't having a third baby.

...

For a BRIEF moment, my heart skipped. The thought of another squirmy bundle of love on my chest, my own personal hot water bottle, well, it honestly is a happy thought. It was a happy thought that I instantly pushed aside with some comment back that "I thought we were together on this?"

...

New Year's Day began and ended on the couch, snuggled beneath the warmth of a fleece blanket, girl on my right, boy on my left. We put on the Winter Classic mid-afternoon and explained to Connor that we didn't really care who won the game, but the red team would be ok. With the entire family watching the hockey game, it was clear we should capitalize on this day and we suited up for a pond skate down the road to last as long as the kids would allow. It took us approximately 35 minutes to get everyone dressed warmly, locate four pairs of skates, four sticks, two pucks, and a partridge in a pear tree. I guessed we would last 20 minutes.

We were there for well over an hour. Caroline sprinted at top speeds and stopped to look at the darker areas of ice where she could see through to the tall grass frozen below the surface. She loved being able to go and go and go with no boards to stop her. Connor passed a puck on the ice with Steve for the first time ever before declaring that he would go skating again, but "ONLY ON THE POND, K Mommy?" He spent the rest of the time asking us to take (gentle) shots on him which he stopped with hands, feet, and body. He might be a goalie after all, Papa.


 
 
 
 
 

The afternoon was picture perfect, right down to sitting on a fallen tree trunk to strip the gear off. When all the skates were removed and stowed in a bag, and we had slowly climbed up the hill back to the car, Steve slammed the trunk closed just as I told him, "no third baby, this was just the perfect day." I declared it the most perfect family outing from start to finish. There was very little whining, the kids had so much fun doing something so simple (not to mention FREE), and we had to almost force them off the ice because our ADULT toes were getting cold.

I won't say never. I would never say never. Right now, this feels pretty darn perfect.


2 comments:

  1. Yes! This! It perfectly articulates my daily thoughts with myself. I always thought we'd have 3 kids and be a family of 5. The older the kids get the more perfect our little family of 4 feels.

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  2. love this!

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